Many people that I have known throughout my life, and many others who have reached out to me for help, have been affected by a wide spread issue that exists the world over.
The issue they are suffering from is low self-esteem.
I was (and still working at it myself) a sufferer of low self-esteem for a very long time.
Low self- esteem can be very sneaky.
It’s not something palpable. It’s not always something that you can clearly see or notice. It’s something that shows its ugly head in almost every action you take throughout the day without making much noise at all.
It so quiet that you; yes, you don’t even notice.
We tend to carry on and live a somewhat decent life, or at least what we think to be a decent life anyway, while suffering from low self-esteem.
But the truth is that low self-esteem will prevent you from achieving two very important things in life.
Want to take a guess?
Slow self-esteem will prevent you from being truly happy, and truly successful.
Why?
Because true happiness and success are directly attached to a healthy level of self-esteem.
Now when I say success, don’t get me wrong here, I’m not the kind of person who thinks that in order to be successful you have to be a lawyer or a doctor, or even be rich. You could be any of those and not be successful.
Success in my book is simply achieving what you want to achieve and do what you want to do.
Just like your light bulb needs a healthy level of electricity to be able to shade light, you need a healthy level of self-esteem to be able to shade light in your life and on the world.
But before we go more into details about this, let’s see what the cause of low self-esteem really is to start with?
What are the Causes of Low Self Esteem?
No baby was born with low self-esteem.
Nothing in the universe; the sun, the moon, the rivers, the mountains, the oceans, the trees or animals could ever be a factor of your low self-esteem.
Quite the opposite.
Everything that surrounds us in this universe could only build up our self-esteem, if we only paid attention to it just a few minutes a day. That’s called mediation.
The only thing that could ever induce low self-esteem in you and me is simply another human being.
All it takes is one person.
One single person is enough to create some negative data in our mind to induce low self-esteem.
At times it could be more than one person, and as per the law of attraction and the way it relates to our subconscious programming it’s often the case.
What I mean is that if early on in your life, someone was the instigator of your lack of self-esteem, you’ve probably attracted many more people throughout your life that emphasized this negative feeling in you.
I used to suffer from low self-esteem, all because of a 4 year old little girl.
She started bullying me on my first year of school, and not only it attracted more bullies for the rest of my schooling years, but it programmed my subconscious mind (because I was so young) in such a way that I developed what I call “a chronic low self-esteem state” without ever being fully aware of it, like most people who suffer from such.
Bellow in this post I’m going to give you some tips to pin point the source of your low self-esteem, but first let’s see why it’s important that you do.
The Serious and Hidden Side Effects of Low Self Esteem
Low self-esteem is a real devil in disguise, because most people suffering from it, don’t ever really become aware that they do have a case of low self-esteem.
All the signs are there showing their ugly faces, but it’s hidden from you under its many disguises. We become totally blind and deaf to the hidden side effects of low self-esteem.
Now what are some of those hidden side effects of low self-esteem?
Here are just a few…
- Bad relationships
- Attracting dominant partners
- Low pay jobs
- Being an employee for the rest of your life
- Higher rate of failure in business endeavors
- Failure to start a business even if you have all the talents and skills you need
- Lack of decision making
- Being victim of bullying
- Aggressiveness
- Jealousy
- Depression
- Resentment
And the list goes on…
Low self-esteem could be the bringer of any of such negative feelings and situations.
The reason most people don’t see it, it’s because of that. They are hidden behind those behaviors which is what people really see, but more times than not, such behaviors exist because of one specific source, called low self-esteem.
What do you Need to do if you Suffer from Low Self Esteem?
If you are suffering from low self-esteem, the first thing I would encourage you do it is trying to figure out what is the source of it.
Don’t let it be part of your DNA. It’s not.
If you are really serious about getting your life together, it’s time to recognize what’s holding you back, and what you need to do to step forward.
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Just knowing the very reason or reasons why you even have a low self-esteem, and that it was created by one thing and one thing only; namely another human being, is a great start, but being able to exactly pin point who that person is or who those people are, as well as how it started to “spread” (so to speak) in your life, it’s going to be the beginning of your healing.
At times, we need to use our good old conscious reasoning to help us repair some damaging subconscious programming.
Some are tougher than others, but I find that detecting the very source of my client’s low self-esteem issues, looking at it in the eye for what it is, and helping them to consciously realize that it was caused by other individuals that didn’t even know what they were doing, is a very good start to heal from low self-esteem.
Then we can start pin-pointing all the areas of life that their lack of self-esteem has spread to.
You see, I see these types of mind issues like a disease.
Cancer for example, may start in one specific part of your body, but eventually if ignored or untreated, it will spread all over your body.
It’s the same thing with lack of self-esteem.
It probably started somewhere in your life, and as you grew older, as the years went by, it spread in many areas of your life.
At first it was just a fear to speak out maybe, but then as you grew older it affected your schooling, your career, your choice in partners, etc. Before you knew it, it has affected your whole entire life.
Ending Words
Low self esteem is serious stuff, guys, and it’s kept you back. It’s keeping you away from fully achieving success and true happiness.
So it’s up to you, to take action now, and start getting rid of low self-esteem.
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Hi Sylviane,
I’m a work in progress when it comes to working on my low self-esteem. I developed this while I was with my ex. There was a lot of verbal abuse and physical abuse. Let me tell you, the verbal abuse is the worse of the two because the pain goes away but the words get etched in the mind and when you let those words take control of your thoughts, it’s hard to turn back.
And you’re right it does affect us. I had major trust issues with my husband now. I’m just glad he had the patience with me while I worked through my issues.
I’m learning how to love myself by doing a check in with my mind and repeating positive afirmations when I start to think negative thoughts.
Loved the video, too. It’s great to hear your voice!
Hope you’re having a great time in London. How long will you be there?
Cori
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Hey Cori,
Wow, I’m so sorry you went through those things, and gosh do I know about them because I did too. I was verbal and physically abused too, very seldom talk about it, just like all the major hurts of my life, but I do keep it for my big book.
How nice that you have a husband that’s been very understanding. So glad you found a real man.
Talking about voice, I don’t think I’ve ever heard yours 🙂
Thanks for coming and you have a wonderful day!
Hi Sylviane,
I was a victim of low self-esteem for many years. It started as a child when I was bullied by a neighbor. It then deepened when my mother passed away at 11 years old. It worsened as I saw my girl friends developing (breasts) faster than me and proceeded throughout high shool. Then my first real live-in, long-term relationship broke me down horribly. I had no self-esteem. I went to therapy for a bit and finally found the way to get my self-esteem back and never lose it again. I feel horrible that have no or low self-esteem especially when I see so many wonderful things in that person. I try my best to pass along my secrets to them. As a matter of fact, I am writing a short series of eBooks and regaining self-esteem is one of the lessons.
Thank you for sharing this!
B
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Hi Brenda,
We have lots in common for sure 🙂
As I mentioned in the post my low self esteem also started due to bullying and then I also lost my father at age 5 which emphasized it as well like in your case.
I’m so glad you’ve got your self esteem back, and want to share it in books. That’s great.
Thanks for coming by, and for sharing your experience.
Hi Sylviane,
I suffered from low self-esteem since childhood. When I was young, I was bullied because I was sick and wasn’t considered normal because of it. Then, I was verbally abused by my first husband.
Luckily, I met a wonderful man who would become my second husband. He helped me a lot to build some of my self-esteem, and still do! Unfortunately, when you develop low self-esteem, it doesn’t completely go away.
You’re so right when you say there are hidden side effects of low self-esteem. I tried to take a course in nursing, and my self-esteem was so low that I couldn’t complete the course successfully. But life has a funny way of turning things around on us, and I found a great job that I’m good at. It’s a great confidence builder!
Thanks for sharing this great information with us and by the way, I loved the video! Have a great Thursday! 🙂
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Hi Nataly,
You seem to have the same type of beginnings that I had, and I know all to well what it does for your self esteem.
You were very fortunate to have found the right man for you, which is not too often the case for women like us, but that’s fantastic that you did.
I agree that low self esteem may always be there to some degree when we were affected very young, but we can certainly make it much, much better.
Thanks so much for your input and hope to see you again soon.
Thanks for this important post Sylviane. For many years (it was decades) I suffered from very low self esteem, although many people who thought they knew me, would have said otherwise. One of the main reasons for it was that I was trying to be like other other people I admired, and kept comparing myself to them.
It wasn’t until I started to dig deep and discover the real me – the authentic me – that I was finally able to gradually remove the low self esteem shackles that held me back for so long.
Your article will help others – thanks for creating it!
Kim
Hi Kim,
Very interesting what you’re saying here, indeed, trying to be like someone else is a sign of low self esteem. I’ve been there and done that. I’m glad that you found yourself in the end. A great feeling isn’t it?
Thanks for coming by and sharing this with us.
Yes it is Sylviane – better than the alternative!
Hi Sneha,
That’s great. I’m so glad you’re doing that.
Glad you came by.
It’s interesting how sometimes the seemingly most confident and in control people have problems with low self-esteem. They’ve developed ways to hide it and compensate for the fears. But I think in most cases it probably catches up with them in some way either through ill health, exhaustion or depression.
They don’t even realise they have low self-esteem, as you point out. It’s fascinating how the human mind can work isn’t it.
I definitely agree with recognising the source of the esteem issues. Mindfulness can help I think with that. Awareness of the thoughts as they come and go, without attaching to them, can give some healthy insights into the mental machinery.
Great post Sylviane.
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Hi Edward,
I’m so glad you enjoy this subject here.
I used to have a boy friend with a great deal of low self esteem and he used to hide it with arrogance, bullying, and a dominating temperament. But I knew better, first of all because I knew his early story that he had a huge lace of self confidence.
Thank you so much for your input. Appreciate it.
Hi Sylviane,
What an awesome post.
Low self-esteem is really a devil; it’s so terrible because one can be suffering from it and not even know about it.
It’s so stressful being in a relationship with someone that has a low self-esteem; at one extreme it causes aggressiveness and at the other extreme it causes jealousy.
Thanks for this insightful post.
Cheers
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Hi Dan,
You’re right on, when we see either aggressiveness or jealousy in a couple it’s usually because the one who’s having the aggressive behavior or the one jealous suffers from low self esteem.
Really appreciate your feedback. Thanks for coming
Hey Sylviane,
This is a great topic that many of us can relate to. I was a really shy kid. Why? I still haven’t figured that out yet but maybe that’s why I trove sion is my dominant trait.
I had bullies in my life but it got to the point where I took them by surprise lol….you just get sick and tired of it and you just snap on them and fight back.
But I have been indifferent towards them as well. The one thing that really curls their hide is when they see when their words don’t affect you. You find the strength and self belief and get locked in. And when you go way beyond the limits that they set upon them, that really frustrates them 😉
Thanks Sylviane for the share! Have a great weekend!
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Hi Sherman,
Unfortunately bullying is so common that I rarely speak to someone who can say that they’ve never been bullied. it’s sad when we think that 99.9% of kids who are bullies it’s because of bad parenting. What a shame.
Indeed, what works best with bullies is to give them some of their own medicine. Glad you didn’t let them win 🙂
Thank you for your feedback and for coming as always.
Hi Sylviane,
This is a post I know a lot of us can relate to.
Low self-esteem is pretty common. And like you mentioned, it starts somewhere as an internal reaction to something someone said or did to us. We take these things and store them in our subconscious. They go on to become our shadows – and control our minds, emotions and our lives.
Over the last few years, I’ve done quite a bit of my own soul searching – remembering certain events and their effect on me. Like many others I’m sure – I (unknowingly) would attempt to “fix” the issues by improving my title, finances or career. Yet underneath it all – the same hurt, deeply wounded little girl still lived within me – enabling me to be a walking emotional reaction to my internal world.
There is no work more important than clearing this stuff out – through awareness and some extensive questioning of our perspectives, beliefs and patterns.
Society isn’t exactly built on the concept of individuals having a strong and independent mind…yet without having this trait, we are at the mercy of the opinion and treatment of others – who are also walking emotional reactions to themselves.
I had heard someone say that “hurt people hurt people”. Those that hurt others are also suffering – and it’s amazing to see how low self-esteem not only affects the one who suffers from it – but everyone who surrounds them as well. Our internal environment builds the external one – and the cycle continues this way until someone decides to get real with themselves and break it.
I haven’t been around much. Been busy with other projects – and some of my own life lessons. I have always enjoyed your blog because I can relate to your posts and it harmonizes well with what I like to write/talk about.
Glad to be back to visit and chime in on a well-written post about topic deserving of mention.
Hi Dana,
It’s certainly very nice to see you again. Long time no see.
You are so right when you say that society is not built on the concept of encouraging individualism. It is not. The worst part of our society in this regards is religion, which has no room whatsoever for individualism. However, if compared with any other time in human history, we are still better off today. I can only imagine living even only a 70-100 years ago. Yuck!!! People forcing their kids to abandoned their out of wed lock baby or else, just to name one horrible thing that was common then.
Yes, unfortunately, most people hurt do hurt, because we are more animals than we think we are 🙂 We react more by instinct than we do with our head, and that’s a bit sad. I do feel that the more the individual is intelligent, the more he’s going to use his or her head and do the opposite of what they’ve learned. I’ve seem both kind of people.
Thank you so much for the compliments and hope to see you around soon again. Did you start blogging again?
Take care,
Sylviane
What a truly evergreen subject Sylviane!
And I couldn’t agree more about the spillover affect!
And like you pointed out, it’s practically non detectable and yet, it’s destructive
nature cannot afford to be ignored or constantly denied!
And as it gradually takes over more of your life, the overall negative affects are,
we are less able to happy emotionally and it makes it
practically impossible to achieve any truly meaningful, long lasting success!
Thanks for being forthright about such an incredibly important topic, that
unfortunately, doesn’t get discussed openly, nearly enough!
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Hi Mark,
I’m glad you enjoyed this topic. It’s an evergreen one indeed!
I wanted to write about this, because too many people don’t realize all the negative side effects that low self esteem can create, but it’s important to look at it in the eyes.
Where low self esteem is the most dangerous it’s when it makes the person aggressive. I’ve seen it, and that’s pretty bad. Very hard to be successful in this case.
Thank you for your input and you have a great week ahead.
Hello,
very good writing (x nice article 🙂
Low self esteem really affects me and my social life,
and the list you mentioned, hidden side effects of low self-esteem. Probably everyone is suffering from this, and meditation is good way to cure it.. But many people cant reach to meditation and that is a problem..Last words, Thanks for this great article 🙂 Thankyou..
Hi Aryan,
Actually anyone can meditate. If some people think they can’t, it’s because they feel that it’s complicated to meditate, but it not. All it takes is a few minutes and a brain. Anyone can reach to meditation.
Thanks for coming.
Hi Sylviane,
This article about low self esteem took me back to when I was suffering from it until my mid 30’s. Yes, it all started when I was a wee one. And it does grow. Everything you mentioned here was like the story of my own life.
Low self esteem got me into bad relationships (because I just didn’t think I was worthy of anything) low paying jobs, letting people bully me and I took that to heart thinking I was stupid.
This felt like I was living in a hole..with nothing surrounding me. What an awful place to be. Thank goodness I had enough and went for help. I turned from victim to victor. Became unstoppable. And my self esteem is healthy.
I do get triggers…so don’t get me wrong, but now I can handle them. Getting help is the only solution and you are a gal to give it!
-Donna
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Hi Donna,
I’m so glad that you can confirm with your own experience that I pinpointed the problem here. The reason I did it’s because I am my own proof, and that doesn’t fail.
So true, just like you, I also get triggers at times, but with knowledge it’s totally manageable and controllable as opposed to when we didn’t know any better.
Thanks so much for your excellent input. Love it.
I think one of the main sources for low self-esteem is all the negative false advertising we are being exposed to every day.
For example, the “Beauty Industry” is setting false standards of what is considered beauty, and constantly manipulating women into plastic-surgeries, unhealthy lifestyle just to stay too skinny etc..
Men are being brainwashed into the idea that in order to be successful you need a high paying job, or you need to be like “mark zuckerberg” genius self-made millionaire etc …
I think the first step should be to shut our minds to all the negative advertising, and let go of trying to please everyone and simply focus on things that makes us happy.
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Hi Mitch,
That’s exactly right. I agree. But even without going that far, in order to be “somebody” in society you need to have a certain level of education, and if you don’t, you’re a nobody. Of course, all such ideas are 100% man made, but they do feed our low self esteem if we happen to be someone who doesn’t have a high level of education.
So the problem is everywhere, and it’s not getting any better. As a matter of fact, that is one of the things that has gotten worse over time.
Thank you so much for your input.
Sylviane what a great post this is. A really difficult subject to discuss, but I couldn’t agree with you more. Low self esteem starts with believing in yourself. Everyone has unique qualities that make them special in their own ways. Once you are comfortable embracing your differences and viewing them as strengths, you can start to build your self esteem. This in turn, starts to influence other parts of your life. Really nice post Sylviane.
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Hi Jonathan,
Thank you very much for coming by and reading this post and leaving your input here.
Yes, we are all special and unique and we should be building on that to build our self confidence.