The more time you invest in personal development and coaching, the more you’ll become aware of your own negativity.
By the way, when I say negativity I don’t mean that you’re a complaining person. What I mean by negativity is the way you see things, the thoughts that inhabit you days in and days, and life in general.
People who have never been introduced to personal development and happened to have never consulted a life coach tend to be negative individuals, but they actually never really come to know that they are, and that is the sad part.
The reason why we are rather negative doesn’t usually starts with us, it starts with our parents, grandparents and beyond that. As humans we are only starting to realize how much for just a few decades. This is why more people than ever before are attracted to personal development, and seeking coaches. That’s why coaching is a booming business.
This is good news. It shows that we are progressing as people walking this earth.
Some of our Negative Makeup has been here before us
I know a life coach who once found out that the main negative issues one of her clients was carrying around was due to the fact that her father had died while her mother was pregnant with her. Without even knowing it, her mother had passed onto her unborn baby some extremely strong feelings of sadness, loss and death. It took that then unborn baby to be an adult to seek a coach’s help to find out where all of her troubles were coming from.
So, needless to say that in many cases, we are not the ones responsible for our negative makeup. As I’m writing this, all I need to think about is my own mother. She naturally had a cheerful spirit, she loved to laugh, she used to love jokes and had a huge sense of humor, but she was brought up in such a negative mindset environment that her subconscious mind couldn’t escape that. In spite of her naturally positive spirit, she was rather negative, sad and depressed at times.
Does any of the above sound like something you can relate to?
What is the Best Remedy against Negative Programming?
There are only two things that you can do about embedded negative feelings; a) you can live with them and struggle your whole life (many people do just that), or b) you can get help to find out what it is that’s consuming you and, get rid of it, which will change your life.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. You may be saying; do I really need help for this? Can’t I get rid of it myself? Can’t I get fix my problems on my own?
What I can tell you is that if you do, it probably going to take some times before you see any result.
Why Figuring out your Deep Issues is Almost Impossible on your Own
The reason why it’s so hard to find out your own deep negative issues is because for the most part they are subconscious. While subconscious programming make us act and react, we are rarely conscious of that fact.
It takes years of study, learning and awareness to really become conscious of our subconscious issues. Most of the times, they are so deep that we can’t see them even if they scream loud and strong to others. I see this on a regular basis.
For example, I know of people who are extremely non-confident no matter how good they are at what they do. I know of people getting offended when they were no offence in the first place. I know of people who are very moody and take everything personal. I know of people who are very judgmental and interpret things according to their own programming. Haven’t you observed behaviors like that yourself? I’m sure you have.
Do traits like these make us bad? No. The way we act is just based on our subconscious programming which we’re not aware of. Unless we take a good look at ourselves and see what’s really going on, there is no hope of getting better and getting ahead.
There is no way of finding a cure to a disease you’re not aware of. That’s why it’s so hard for people who don’t have a good understanding of personal development to help themselves.
Finding out what your Specific Issues are
If you feel that you are not where you want in life right now, the first thing you need to find out is what is the source or sources of your problem.
Have you been pushing away money? Have you been pushing away people? Have you been pushing away opportunities? Have you been pushing away a good relationship?
What is it that you so desperately need and want, but yet have been pushing away all your life unwillingly? But let me add this. Are you even aware that you have?
Once you’ve found out what you’ve been pushing away, you need to determine what the source for this is. The source could be an event (experience you went through), or a person (people who impacted you in one way or another). The only way to find out the real source of the problem is doing an elimination process.
What’s Elimination Process?
Just like it would be difficult to remove a stain that you can’t see on a piece of cloth, you wouldn’t be able to remove the exact negative vibration(s) you have while not knowing what they are exactly. That’s why it’s very important that you don’t miss step one – finding the source – by doing an elimination process.
A very simple, yet excellent exercise I do with my clients is this:
Imagine that you’re 7 or 8 years old and sit on chair in your family room of those days. Or just choose a room where most of the family used to spend time together, and see yourself there. See that little girl or little boy and observe what you see, what hear feel.
This exercise really works ONLY if you really take the time to sit there for at least 5-10 minutes and don’t let your mind wander away from that room.
If you do this exercise for the first time with no one to keep you there, you might notice that your mind may want to quite or wander away, but if you do it right, you will start hearing, seeing and feeling lots of things that will come back to the surface.
Also, as a coach, I want to warn you that if you do this on your own while you had a tough childhood, it might be overwhelming, so reader, beware.
For this exercise to work best, it needs to be repeated over a period of time. You’re rarely going to get all the answers on the first try. In one session you may hear your mother’s voice, and the next your father’s. The following one, yet again someone else.
Some things will make you feel good and some others will make you feel bad. Either way, all this is, is just an elimination process that will help you pinpoint some of your present beliefs, issues, and behaviors.
A very important point I wanted to add is that this exercise only works if you are completely honest with yourself and just see things as they were, don’t judge, trying to make them better or worse.
Only when you managed to find to source of your issues, especially if they are really getting in the way and messing up your life, will you be able to move on once for all.
Now let’s here about your thoughts down below!
Image Credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Hi Sylviane,
Carrying around Negativity was part of my life many years ago. Yes, it stemmed from things I wasn’t aware of in my childhood. It was all those negative beliefs I had about myself that were so deep in my subconscious, I just could not dig it out nor understand it at all.
I was living the first twenty something years of my life in pure hell. Low self esteem, problems expressing myself, fears, horrible relationships..shall I go on?
I knew then no matter how many self help books, how much meditation I did wasn’t working. I reached out and got some help. Then I started learning about the subconscious mind and how strong the effect of negativity got a hold on me.
Long story short, I started living the real me! I realized I couldn’t do it alone. So I recommend anyone that has any kind of block in their lives for not pushing forward, or not living their true desire to reach out. Help is there and you are a great go to person for this one!
-Donna
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Hi Donna,
Well, your 20+ first yeas look a lot like mine and everything you’re said here, fear, bad relationships and so on were all the same for me as well. Like you I had no idea what was going on, and I know for a fact that trying to figure it out on our own can be some though job.
Thank you for validate what I’m saying in this post here.
Have a wonderful day!
Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..How Much Negativity Are You Still Holding On And How To Get Rid Of It?
Hey Sylviane,
I will say that over the course of my life I’ve seen two counselors and two life coaches, one of them being you.
As you also know, none of it had to do with being negative at all but in my particular case I’ve had a few issues. One of them was moving forward in my life and not understanding some of the same patterns that kept repeating themselves. Another was not having the confidence in myself that I could make this online thing work. The other was making sure I was still moving in the right direction through what I have been taught.
From my own experience from this I know for a fact that I had no idea what the reasons were causing these issues. Like you said, it could be something from your childhood, a parent, a sibling, anything that we ourselves just cannot see. A coach, by asking the right questions, can easily find the issue and then tell us how we can start to learn to resolve that and move on.
Until you’ve worked with someone you just don’t understand the process. If you really aren’t where you want to be in your life right now, working with a coach is the smartest investment you can ever make. Take it from someone who knows.
~Adrienne
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Hi Adrienne,
Thank you for your positive feedback. I can tell you one thing, I know how people who have a lot of negativity in them and have NEVER consulted a coach live their lives. It’s not pretty, and I always told myself, way before I knew of personal development and coaches, that I didn’t want to live my life this way. I always told myself, there’s got to be something better!
A life coach, can really put you in the right track. What a life coach won’t do is do the work for you, but he or she will guide you on the right pass and help you get a few Aha moments.
Thank you for coming and have a great rest of the week.
Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..How Much Negativity Are You Still Holding On And How To Get Rid Of It?
Hey Sylviane,
This was very deep. As soon as you started talking about your mother, quite a few people came to mind. They remind of the Smokey Robinson song “Tears of a Clown”.. he was the life of the party but was despressed.
How do people do and maintain this! That must be stressful on their part. I couldn’t do it. If I was depressed, I wouldn’t want to be around no one. But maybe that’s the introvert in me.
But yes, at some point we need that professional help. I can only imagine how long it would take for someone to get over the negativity inside of them. It’s a process for sure, but ain’t nothing better when you have someone like a professional to talk to and to help you resolve your problem!
Thanks for sharing and I hope you’re having a great week!
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Well, it’s a tough life for those who live that way, but it’s way, way more common than you may think. I know tons of people who live that way. It’s just that they’ve accepted this as a “normal” thing. It’s part of life for them. They don’t know any better.
That’s why I made it one of my missions to help people in this way. People out there really need coaches.
Thank you for your input.
Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..How Much Negativity Are You Still Holding On And How To Get Rid Of It?
Hi Sylviane
I often wonder does anyone grow up without negativity. I do not think so. I think even if our parents were very positive and encouraged us to have high self esteem there are still factors like school, other kids and so it goes.
Like you said sadly many people do not even know they are being negative or that there is a way out of this thinking.
I do believe people need to get professional help. I have worked with a myriad of people to release unhelpful thoughts and patterns.
I know you do great work in helping people Sylviane.
Thanks for a great message.
Sue
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Hi Sue,
Yes, of course and unfortunately, negativity is NOT only at home. In my case, most of my issues have not come from the home, they’ve come from school which I hated with a passion and compared it to a prison. I will never forget that!
Now, even in a loving home like mine there were still some negativity going on. For example in my case, the sudden loss of my father which created a lot of sadness and depression at home for a long while. And of course, that good all “lack” mentality that lives in every home under God’s creation 🙂
So, the sum of all that, create someone like me who needed lots of help, before I was able to help others. Indeed, we all have had or will need a coach, Sue 🙂
Thank you for your input.
Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..How Much Negativity Are You Still Holding On And How To Get Rid Of It?
Hey Sylviane,
That’s a really interesting topic on negativity. Every one of us might be holding some kind of negativity within our minds but you gave us a nice post on it.
The Elimination process is really a simple exercise and I am willing to try it out for myself and I hope it works out!
Thanks for the post! 🙂
Hi Arbaz,
Yes, we all have some negative feelings and emotions in us. That’s inevitable.
If you try this exercise, let me know how it goes.
Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..How Much Negativity Are You Still Holding On And How To Get Rid Of It?
Ciao Sylviane,
Every single person on the face of the planet can relate to your post, and most definitely me.
I had a tumultuous childhood and had to really work through a lot of negative feelings toward authority figures in my life.
I’ve received a lot of help from prayer and meditation and the Lord has really helped me to overcome my issues and have a peace and forgiveness in my heart.
Have you connected with Brenda Adelman? Her story is about the things she overcame in her life (her father murdered her mother) and the forgiveness and peace she’s found through getting help.
Just this year I touched base with someone, Tiffany Lambert recommended, to work through some of my issues that kept cropping up, and that I didn’t seem to be able to break through – so glad I did because it really helped. 🙂
Yes, it is impossible on our own, definitely agree with that. I was blind to how I was thinking, feeling, and ultimately…acting.
I find the elimination process intriguing as that is not what was used in my session with a coach. I’ll definitely investigate this further.
Thank you so much for bringing this all important topic to the forefront for me, Sylviane, and know that you’re doing great work! Thank you!
Talk soon,
– Carol Amato
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Hi Carol,
Yes, I truly believe that anyone in this world can relate to this post, and that’s why I’ve written it. It is my passion and I made it my mission to help people with personal development, and while I give some things away in my post, I keep the best for my one on one coaching of course. Yet, those posts can speak to lots of people.
Eventually I want to develop a public speaking career that I’ve got in the making right now. I know that my story can help so many people. I don’t have to think for a minute what my life mission is, I know it’s it 🙂
I am also planning on writing a book that I feel will help lots of people and be a promotion tool for me as well.
I do not know Brenda Adelman, but I will look her up right now. Thank you for mentioning her to me, and thank you for coming.
Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..How Much Negativity Are You Still Holding On And How To Get Rid Of It?
Hello Ms. Sylviane
Very interesting topic and one that’s needed.
As life coaches we have the desire to guide people to a place of freedom.
Is it possible to change any wrong belief in the subconscious mind? Absolutely!
Can a person begin their new journey on their own? Yes but when they arrive to a crossroad, they will need some professional help.
Thank you for this post on an important subject
Gladys
Gladys invites you to read..Releasing The Past Attachments
Hi Sylviane,
I used to wonder what was wrong with me. Seems many of us had the same negative type issues for various reasons. I was abandoned by my mother, left with relatives and for a long time, rejection was apart of my life. It was difficult to overcome. When I became an adult, I went to counseling just so I could try to understand what the problem was. It is good that people actually do seek help.
My mom was similarly sad and depressed it seemed throughout my life. I truly wish and wonder I knew what her own issues were which would have helped me understand who she was and how she was like she was with me.
Anyway, great info, great post and helpful in understanding.
Thank you.
Barbara
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Yes although we pretend to be positive all the time.There will definitely be some room for negativity too. It is nice if you have it up to certain extent.But the level of negativity you have should also give you positive results at the end. It is like while making a decision we should think about both the positive and the negative shades of it. Just being entirely positive will also lead you into trouble . So trying to make a balance between them is necessary i hope 🙂
Hi Sylviane; I wonder about some of your questions. I feel like I have achieved personal success with my business just haven’t managed to generate enough regular income from it. would you think this means I am pushing success away or not? I will admit to being more frustrated by my personal life. I don’t seem to be able to meet a woman who lives close enough or has enough time in her life where we can spend more of it together. I know that right person is out there just haven’t met her yet. and one thing i am proud of is having forgiven my cousin for his roll in my leaving the carnival midway to sell equipment. I have determined that he freed me up for other opportunities where I would be happier. and i even mentioned this and that I have forgiven him in a blog post. thanks for your support in my journey. Take care, Max
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because of negative thoughts in our mind we will do lot of bad things in our life.so every one should have positive thoughts in their minds about all the things then definitely will get success in life.many people those who have succeeded in life will things in a positive way about any thing.by reading your post i learned a lot how to get rid of negativity with me,thank you for you post..
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A very interesting article — your opening anecdote reminded me of a similar story about Red Skelton, whose father passed away before he was born. Red wouldn’t be described as a negative person, but he carried the pain of that loss his entire life. Multiple times on his TV show, he shared stories about the father that he never met; in an interview in (I believe) his 50’s, he still felt that loss and pain.
Thank you.
Hi Tom,
Thank you for this very interesting comment here.
Indeed, many people are like this Red Skelton, but should we live our whole life in pain like that? My answer is no. If a person is in such pain they should most definitely look for a coach or a therapist that would be able to help them.
As a coach I can tell you that my guess in this case it’s that he was actually carrying his mother’s pain. As I understand it she lost her husband when she was pregnant and passed on that pain to the baby she was carry. This is actually very common, and very unfortunate for the unborn baby. I actually will be discussing this issue in my upcoming book.
Thank you for coming.