Too many people take the victim road and end up in a ditch. When you PLAY the victim you FEED the victim and the universe sends you more opportunities to be one.
Dr Robert Anthony.
So, what about you? Are you taking the victim road? Have you done that all your life? Are you ready for a change? Are you ready to accept responsibility for your own good? In this post, let’s try to answer each one of these questions one by one.
Are you on the Victim Road?
Ah, the victim road! A road that so many of us like to take. As humans it seems that being a victim almost feels good for a lot of us. As a matter of fact, there are even some mental disorders such as the Munchausen Syndrome when someone affected by it is desperately looking for attention as a victim. But let’s not go there. Let’s talk only about people just like you and me who have no apparent mental disorders, but just like to play the victim once in a while.
When I was growing up and as a young adult I loved to play the victim. I always felt that the whole world was against me, and I felt like “poor little me” a lot. Did I really like to be miserable consciously? No, but in a way, feeling like a victim gave me a lot of excuses.
That’s what feeling like a victim does to us; it gives us excuses for not moving forward, not making the effort and not trying to go above and beyond our call of duty. In other words, it’s easier to be a victim, or that’s what we think anyway. But is it really?
Have you Been a Victim all your Life?
When you act as a victim, the laws of the universe respond to that. The number one law of the universe that will respond to your victimized emotions is the law of attraction. According to this powerful law if you feel like a victim you will get MORE OF IT. In other words, when you act as a victim you will, without a doubt, get more situations and circumstances that will make you one.
As a matter of fact, if you don’t stop your victimhood at some point, it can pretty much doom your entire life to the point that one day you may wake up and say, wow, my life has been a failure and I’m at this age already! This is the last thing you want to happen to you, do you? Especially when there is a way to get out of this vicious circle
Are you Ready for a Change?
If you have lived long enough on the road of victimhood, you need to ask yourself this serious question; Am I ready for a change or do I want to be a victim for the rest of my life? Yes, pretty serious question, isn’t it? I should know, I had to ask this question myself at some point in my life. I felt victim of always attracting Mr. Wrong or attracting “fake” friends who always turned out to take advantage of me, and I also felt victim of always missing out on the best opportunities out there.
Until I found out that I had the power of changing this, I really believed that I WAS a victim. When we are victim, all our power is taken away from us. Victims don’t decide. Victims don’t control anything. Victims are just like a boat without a rudder left to the waves and wind. When you drop the victimhood, however, and take charge by taking responsibility, you become the captain of your life using the rudder of your boat (your life) to direct it where you want to go.
At some point I decided that I was ready for a change. Not so much for a change of circumstances, but for a change in my thinking. I needed to STOP thinking that I was a victim, and start taking responsibility for what I was attracting into my life.
Are you Ready to Accept Responsibility?
I know that accepting responsibility can be tough sometimes, especially when you truly feel that you are being victimized by something more powerful than you. But this very belief is just that – a belief – nothing more. Beliefs are powerful. This is why so many people are stuck. But they don’t understand this, and they go round and round in circle in the maze of victimhood, never to realize that they can change their lives by making the right CHOICES. By choosing NOT to be a victim anymore. You do not ever have to feel and be like a victim, but you do need to change your way of thinking and take action.
I’ve told my bullying story several times before. I spent years being a victim of bullies pretty much my whole school years, but I didn’t have to. I had a mother backing me up telling me to kick them, beat them up or kill them if I had to (maybe not quite literally kill them), but the message she was sending me by saying that was clear – DO NOT LET THOSE BULLIES TAKE THE BEST OUT OF YOU, I’ve got your back, defend yourself, fight back, scare those schmucks off!
Now, thinking back, I can’t even understand why I didn’t defend myself, or maybe I can, it was FEAR. But in the end it came down to this. I made a choice. Even though my mother was backing me up 100% to use whatever means I had to in order to take control of the bulling situation, I didn’t. Ultimately, I made the choice to be a victim. Maybe I relied on the teachers or the school system to do something, but guess what? They never did. However, if I had taken matters into my own hands and decided that I was not going to take this anymore, it might have hurt a bit, but I KNOW that things would have changed for me. Maybe with a few bruises, but I would have gone from the ship of victimhood to the ship of victory.
What about you? Are you ready to take responsibility for your own circumstances? Are you waiting for the system, your boss, or the government to help you? Are you afraid that it may hurt? Are you lost in the victim road? If you are it’s time to make a choice. Choose to not be a victim anymore and take control of your life. Next week I am going to show you the steps that you can take in order to do this.
For now, let me know you’re thoughts on the subject. Do you feel like a victim?
Hi Sylviane,
thanks for sharing your personal story with so much awareness and candor. I can relate to that situation and even understand why you didn’t kick back. Chances are you feared being blamed by a teacher for kicking them, so you would have got punished for self-defense. Of course I don’t know if that was reason but it would fit perfectly into the victim programming, wouldn’t it ?
Feeling like a victim is kind of a despair trip because we assume that others can do something to take our happiness away from us. We hold others responsible for our lack of unhappiness while we are just playing a rood role in a drama play, a role we think we have to play, for whatever reason.
I am learning gradually to take full responsibility of my life – even or especially if I could put the blame on someone else. This is the hardest part emotionally because we feel so right !!! And our responsibility is not so obvious, but somehow, we were magically part of the crime, weren’t we ?
Thanks again for sharing your insights.
Take care
Oliver
Sylviane, this is such an important topic and so hard to break out of. I think 90% of the people I know have the victim mentality. It’s always something ELSE responsible for their lives – bad weather, bad health, money problems, family problems, you name it. Every little thing that goes wrong is another “woe is me”. It drives me nuts.
Part of the problem is that we all think someone else is going to take care of us, but you are right – nobody is! Sure, people will try to help but ultimately the only person who can change our lives is ourselves.
I fight off that feeling a lot of the time, too. It’s very easy to slip into because it puts the burden on someone else. if there’s “something else” responsible then I don’t have to be. I don’t have to try, I don’t have to make an effort, I don’t have to face my own fears or failures.
One of the things that helped push me out of it was listening to people all the time who are always complaining about their lives. “Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?” Did I mention it drives me nuts?? At some point I thought, wow, I do NOT want to sound like that or live like that. It’s crazy.
It’s definitely a choice and at some point you have to decide to be the one in charge of your own life – not just pushed around by the wind and the weather and everyone else.
Thanks for shoving us along on the right road. Everyone could use a reminder like this. I hope that anyone who is still stuck on that road will get out of the ditch!
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What a great topic Sylviane. First I want to thank you for sharing your own story. That encourages people to share theirs too. It is a healing for all that will visit this post. If they are a “victim” or if the know some one that is, the identification of a “victim” will surely help.
I was a victim until I took that step forward and took “responsibility.” What did I know? I had no tools growing up to know what a victim was. I grew up in an alcoholic family….I carried my victim personality to my first marriage. This is where I found that I was an enabeler. I was a victim.
The good part was I realized it, went to therapy and worked on myself. Then I became a Victor!
Blessings,
Donna
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Yeah! Donna, you sure are a victor!
You know it took me a long time to be able to tell my story, but once I’ve started there is no stopping me.
Telling your story is therapeutic. People need to tell, to GET IT OUT! I am so glad if this post could only help even one person I’ll be in heaven.
Thanks for your encouragement. You always do encourage me, Donna. You’re very good like that 🙂
And, I love to hear other people’s story as well, I didn’t know about yours until here. Thanks for sharing it and showing people that anyone can overcome tough beginnings.
Hmmm I did. I did feel like a victim in my kiddie days. Mostly of my father. I was suppose to follow his rules and I couldn’t go beyond that. He loved me but I had to take choices of him, but not that made by me. I respect him, but it was more than respect. A fear. My mom was always take my back and I never felt for her that way.
However now it’s changed 😉 Father and I are now like friends. Not exactly but than old days. Now I’m taking my leads and do things what best for me. Still he inspect my way as my father. I think I should take responsibility of mine than anyone else. I don’t wanna wait for someone to appoint me. I just wanna go get it and understand what is right or wrong for me. But sometimes the system doesn’t work that way. However I’m not a part of that system.
If you remember, once I told you about how I did in my first job. Actually about negative vibrations I felt. On the aspect of employer, they wanted more from me. It was a day that I’ve got few days to sign up for my degree program. But they didn’t let me have it. Also few friends were there who wanna go. They wanted us to work. Why do they care us? They just wanna earn profits. However I had to take a decision. Job vs Degree. I took it – Degree. But other friends didn’t. They valued job more. Now I’m happy to go for my convocation in next month. My friends still worrying and now they gonna sign up for degree. They had resigned after few months I left too. I’m sorry about them, but I still happy about my decisions and also my parents 🙂
May be I’m talking too much (Oops.. Don’t get angry ;)) but that’s what I felt 😉 I hope this will help other people those who still live as victims can think beyond what they know. Nice article Sylviane 🙂
Cheers…
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Hi Mayura,
No, I will never, ever get angry by a long comment. There is no rule and no law that tells how long a comment should be. I love this blog because it’s when people tell their story. I just LOVE it!
You were very smart, young man, to pick degree vs. job, you made the choice you thought was best for you, and you made the right one in my book.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me and my readers 🙂
As soon as I read your title I could definitely relate Sylviane.
My aunt is 83 years old and STILL playing the victim. No one enjoys being around her because she’s always complaining and she still blames her parents for everything. My Mom and I talk about that a lot and how we wish someone would slap some sense into her. Enough already, that’s got to be such a miserable way to be Sylviane.
I’m sure during some time in my life I played the victim. I mean don’t most people? Trying to think back I can’t recall because I definitely haven’t more than I have. I take 100% responsibility for where I am in my life and who I am. My thoughts have created my reality and when I learned that some number of years ago that was a huge wake up call.
I started thinking back over so many things trying to remember what I was thinking at the time. Ah, if I knew then what I know now my life would be so different. But I have to admit, I’m still very blessed even though it didn’t turn out how I wanted. I know plenty of people who would love to change places with me so it’s not all bad.
Great post Sylviane and probably a huge wake up call for many.
~Adrienne
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Hi Adrienne,
I know, isn’t it awful to be around people who always complain? That doesn’t change anything, and make people want to flee from them.
mea culpa, I did plenty of that when I was younger and so did my mom. Of course, you’re not alone, Adrienne.
As much as I love and respect my mom, I know she wasn’t helped by her mother to prepare for a successful life, but when she was pushed and encouraged by her daughter (me) to take some actions to open her own business, she wouldn’t.
I know that because of her fu***ed up upbringing she had no self confidence, but that’s when we need to say hell with what we’ve learned as a child and wake up already and just do it!
I am thankful that my mom was a better mother than hers was, but I wish she had killed that fear in her. Even though she did OK, she could have done GREAT!
Thanks for you story, Adrienne
This one goes back to your negativity piece. People think they are “stuck” and can’t change. They don’t realize they have the power within them to do that for they are too busy blaming others for their problems. Many people can use your next post with your directions – I may just email to a few I think immediately think of 🙂 Great piece and topic.
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Hi Lisa,
You are right on. It’s all about people NOT knowing that they have the power to live a better life. I only wish this was taught in school, it would decrease crimes as well, as people who commit crimes are the most stuck people of all, but only in their own mind.
Thanks for your visit, Lisa.
Sylviane,As a relationship counselor and coach I have certainly observed that victim mentality at work. It is difficult to convince someone stuck in the victim mode to start taking responsibility. Many people have lived a long time in that victim state. Changing this attitude would require looking back and feeling as if they have wasted months or years. Once we take responsibility, we will speak up quickly and express what is true for us – and distance our self from those who are not operating in a fair manner.Warmly,Dr. Erica
Hello Dr. Erica!
I’m very pleased, that you added your professional feedbacks to my post.
Taking responsibilities is a very hard thing to do for many, many people, because it takes admitting that you have been wrong for years, sometimes. I have seen people with denial so deep that they really believed their own lies as a result of running away from taking responsibilities.
Sylviane~
In four short words to your questions: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
That being said, my “victimization” is mainly associated (I believe) to people in my life who have “victim syndrome” and I am struggling right now with mentally separating myself from that, without having to do so physically….if that makes any sense…..not sure it is possible because of who they are. After so many years of taking on the trauma/drama of their “victimization” along with my own “victim” history issues that I have buried for a long time, I am at a crossroads of who…what…why with me.
Looking forward to the next installment. 🙂
Hi Cris,
Nice to see you here again.
Well, it’s very good that you came to the realization that you’re been on the victim road and that some people around you are too. I can only imaging that not being able to separate yourself physically from the situation makes it difficult for you, but as you said by at least tying to detach yourself mentally is a good start.
Make sure you read my next post which is a follow up on this one. It’s already published 🙂
Have a great day!