Don’t you find it interesting that we, as human, are the only species that sabotage our own wellbeing? The most known form of sabotage is procrastination, but there are other forms of self sabotage that prevent us from succeeding.
People who sabotage themselves do it for the most part subconsciously and they are usually showing a pattern. For example, there is that over-weight guy who always gets all his weight back, even though he managed to lose over 50 pounds. There is that woman who always ends up with a violent partner even though she had sworn she would never do it again. Then, there is that person who always managed to have their money disappear even though they did well for a while and accumulate a good saving.
Why are we Sabotaging Ourselves?
There are several reasons why we may be sabotaging ourselves – most of them are coming from our deep down beliefs. Recently a marketer friend of mind was telling me over a blog comment reply about someone she knew who willingly refused an incredibly great offer to make more money as her own boss at home doing the same thing she was doing for a boss for less money. Why was that woman saying that she couldn’t do it? Because she said that she was totally incapable to discipline herself and would go to the beach instead of working.
Because of her lack of discipline she had to take less pay, more stress, less time doing what she liked and less quality time with her family. I would say that this is sabotage on steroids. This type of sabotage comes from some deep down beliefs that are no longer conscious, but 100% subconscious. If this woman was one of my clients I would treat her as someone with very low self-esteem and lack of self confidence.
The two biggest reasons why we procrastinate and sabotage ourselves are low self esteem and lack of self confidence. This is why we need to arm ourselves with three important shields that will protect us from harmful strong emotions that sabotage our results.
Shield #1 Against Sabotage – Having a Plan
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. This phrase is very popular because it’s so very true. Failing to plan is like letting your boat out to the waves without a stirring wheel. You don’t want your life to be abandoned to the unsecure waves of life, do you? When you are at sea on a boat, whether you are the captain of that boat or not, you want to be sure that the boat is driven, not abandoned to the waves.
This is why you must have a plan, also known as a goal that will drive you through the right path to get there. The stronger your plan the less likely you will sabotage it unless your desire is not strong enough and needs a little help. If this is the case, then you need…
Shield #2 Against Sabotage – A Support System
A support system can be a mastermind group, a mentor or a coach. Whatever avenue you might choose to support your goal, the purpose is to keep yourself on the right track and help you SEE your goal and FOLLOW your plan no matter what.
Sometimes a boat has to go through storms. Some are small and some are big, but whatever the storm may be, the goal of the captain of that boat is to get through it and keep on going until he reaches destination. To go through the storm, the captain is usually not alone; he has a whole crew with him that is going to help him to make the boat comes out of that storm in one piece and reaches destination. This is exactly what a support system will do for you.
Your mastermind group, your mentor, your coach or any other support system you may choose or have, will help you to keep your goal alive and follow your plan until you get where you want to be.
Such support system will help you find out the root of the problem if there is one. most likely it will be found in your subconscious belief.
Shield #3 Against Sabotage – Your Belief
I know I put this so very important shield against sabotage last, but don’t be fooled, this is the MOST important shield against sabotage you will ever have. That lady, mentioned above, who refused a dream opportunity to work from home at her own pace with more money and less stress has a belief problem. Yes, this kind of situation (if the person is sane) can only exist because of some defeating belief issues.
The problem with beliefs is that no one can get into your head and change your beliefs for you, but YOU and only you can take some steps to get into your own head and do this. Granted, willpower alone will not be enough to change your beliefs. There might be much more that needs to be done to change your beliefs. This is an inside job.
Thankfully, there are so many tools that can help you to improve and change your beliefs that I couldn’t name them all here. Most of the tools that I use myself are available right here on this blog. To name a few, you can read tutorials about beliefs. You can use self-hypnosis, practice EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), use vision boards, or use meditation materials.
No body is perfect, we are all a work in progress, but we can – if we take actions, get rid of our emotional baggage and stop self-sabotage.
What are your thoughts on that? Are you self-sabotaging yourself? Have you found a way to stop self sabotage? Let us know in the comment area, down below!
Okay Sylviane, I even see a little of myself in there. Not much thank goodness because I’ve done a LOT of work on myself.
The lady you mentioned sounds like some of my friends. They wouldn’t be able to work at home because they aren’t disciplined enough, I hear it all the time. PLEASE!!! To me if you want a better life then you’ll do the work that is needed. I just don’t understand some people..
Having a support system is crucial. Whether it’s your family, friends, online friends, coach, mentor, training community, whatever the case may be. Just having those people you can ask for help or assistance is so important. They tell us like it is and keep us in our place.
I know for me having someone believe in me is the most important to me. I do need that coach and mentor though to help point me in the right direction but the belief is really the most important I agree.
Thanks so much for sharing these wonderful steps and I’ll be sure to spread the word. What a great post.
~Adrienne
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Hi Adrienne,
I Agree with you, I do not understand those people either. What I do understand, though, is that they have a problem, and like I said in the post it all comes down to what their beliefs about themselves are. I bet that if I talked 30 minutes to this woman I would hear a great lack of self confidence. I know I would 🙂
We all have had some sabotage business in our lives. I (as I told you recently) have been the queen of attracting Mr. wrong, and I know why. But now, I am so much stronger. I can no longer attract Mr. Wrong, because I wouldn’t even pay attention to them anymore.
As a matter of fact I have created Mr. Right in my head and on paper, so I will attract him eventually. I have attracted the man of my dreams before, as I told you a while back… you know that French actor? So, I know I can do it.
Thanks for coming here, Adrienne, and thanks for your compliment about my post.
Gosh I love reading about mindset and how we are able to control our minds slipping off into negativity and procrastination. I first came across this when doing some of the suggested reading from my first network marketing company and my biggest question was why is this not taught in school? It would help SO many people take control of their lives.
I can see I will need to have a chat with you at some point Sylviane – I loved this post!
Nicky
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Glad you came to this blog Nicky 🙂
I started to be passionate with personal development materials back in the late 80’s and then because life came in the way, I dropped it for a decade.
But, you know what you are attracted to always comes back knocking the door sooner or later. Like you I have been introduced to this personal development thing again while I joined a network marketing company back in 2006.
This time not only I never let it go away again, but read a huge amounts of books, listen to CD’s watch DVD’s belonged to mastermind groups… the whole chabang! So much so, that I felt that I could then teach this stuff to others, which I do now.
We can talk about this anytime, Nicky 🙂 not a problem at all!
Thanks for coming by.
Sylviane, these three steps are so powerful! When you think of it, it is quite simple if one chooses to do it.
Step 1 is my favorite! I love that phrase: “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail” because most people do not have a plan. Or if they do, they get distracted by those shinny objects which just means they are procrastinating. We need to stick to our plan and it is difficult when there are so many things thrown at us in this business. Some find it difficult when offered a new learning curve or webinar to say “No, sorry but my coach has me on a specific action that I must finish.” Most people will understand that.
I do believe 100% that we all need a coach or a mastermind group to be accountable for our actions. I find it is the only way to stick to our path. Being accountable to someone or to a group always helps me stick to my goals. It is difficult to do alone.
Thank you for these three steps that you have outlined. If everyone would follow it, it would make their business and goals more simple. You rock my friend!
Donna
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Hi Donna,
Thank you for coming by. I am so glad that you can emphasis how those points are so important to reach for success.
I spent years without having a plan, so, when I am writing about how important it is to have one, believe me I am speaking from experience. There is just nothing good that can happen to you in life if you don’t have a plan.
A support group is super important too. We are humans and we all have are ups and downs and when we are more on the down side a mastermind group or a coach can really make a difference.
Thanks so much for your feedback, Donna 🙂
Hey Sylviane!Great points for preventing self sabotage. Especially love #2 — finding a mentor or coach who can keep you straight. I am lucky enough to have 2 such people in my life right now and they have been instrumental in keeping me on the straight path. Not coincidentally, these have also been among my most productive and successful months!
Hi Bob,
Thank you for coming by.
How good it is to have people who support you in what you do. I don’t even know how people who have people against them all do long manage to make it through. I know it’s possible, of course, but it’s tough!
Hi Sylviane,
Loved your post! By the way, I was wondering why you put #3 last. That was after only reading the subhead of course. As I read on I agreed that your belief is the most important. And how strong it is has a lot to do with your self-confidence. I think low self-confidence also ties in with procrastination.
I absolutely agree on having a plan and sticking to it. I also strongly agree on having a support system. You need someone to guide you, keep you on track and celebrate with you. You are much more likely to succeed if you have someone you are accountable too.
Thanks so much for sharing your great insights, Sylviane!
Happy Easter!
Ilka
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Hi Ilka,
Yes, I put belief last, because I wanted to leave the best for last 🙂 and also keep my reader interest up.
I am glad you liked the post. I believe that self-sabotage/procrastination is very common among the human race, but we are entering an area where people are starting to become AWARE like never before. This is good news for all of us!
Happy Easter to you too, Ilka, and thanks for coming 🙂
Loved the post Sylviane!
I think most of us sabotage ourselves, sometime or the other and we really may not want to, but sometimes it just isn’t in our hands or we don’t realize what we are doing, till someone makes us realize or we sit back to think about it. Yes, most of the times its because of fear, low self-esteem and lack of confidence – isn’t it?
I loved the examples you have used all through the post, wonderful indeed. 🙂 And the three steps are so true! Making a plan always does wonders, at least for me, and though support systems or a coach does help, but I vouch most for number 3- belief!
I think what matters most is our state of mind, thinking positive, believing in ourselves and our abilities and moving ahead – full force. That’s my favorite and something I follow a great deal.
Thanks for sharing yet another wonderful post, and hope you had a wonderful Easter as well 🙂
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Hi Harleena,
I appreciate you coming and comment on my posts. Your comments are always very thoughtful and make sense.
I’ve sabotaged myself for so long, I know a lot about the subject 🙂 We can’t change the past, but we can change NOW to change our future. I started that switch few years ago and a lot of things changed for me for the better.
Thanks for coming and have a great week!
How weird is it that a bunch of grown up, smart, successful people can constantly be whacking ourselves over the head with horribly self sabotaging things?? I think it’s a flaw in human DNA!
Don’t think I am too weird for saying this but what the heck… sometimes if I’m having one of those “moments” where that voice is in my head telling me horrible things about myself, I look at my cat and I think… this cat is sitting here, being fat, lying in the sun, just fine. This cat does not care that it’s fat and shedding. This cat is not worried that someone won’t like the color of its fur or the way it hobbles across the floor. This cat is just sitting there being a cat! And it is perfectly fine that way.
And then in my weirdness that calms me down because it reminds me that I only have to be what I am and not whatever the stupid voice insists I have to be. I think that relates to what you said about a “belief”. I need to refocus on the belief that I am FINE. And remind myself that I am imperfect, the world is imperfect, and that is FINE too.
I’m pretty sure after this you will never let me comment on your blog again 🙂
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Carol,
You’re so funny! how in the world wouldn’t I let you comment on my blog again? Want to know what I really don’t like? People who don’t comment at all, no matter how many times I spend on their blog 🙂 Yes, sadly, they do exist LOL!
I love your comment! What better than use an animal as an example, then what’s best than a cat? Maybe two cats 🙂 I love cats 🙂 We can learn a lot by watching our pets, because they don’t carry around the issues that we do carry around. They live in the moment, and we can certainly learn a thing or two from this.
Of course, we are all imperfect and a work in progress, and many of us are progressing in the right way, and that’s what really matters.
Thanks for your comment, Carol, and yes, please, come back 🙂
Dear Sylviane,
What a fascinating choice of topics and KUDOS to such a remarkable and interesting blog site! I love the feel in here.
This was a very helpful and insightful post!
I’ve been on the path of self-mastery for some time now and have found that the deeper and deeper we get into this journey, the more evident it is that our MINDS and BELIEF systems control virtually every little thing we see, feel, experience…not to mention that it’s these calibrations in our mindset which dictate whether or not we need to continually revisit specific kinds of behaviours or life events.
Funny little thing about beliefs too. Did you ever notice that there is a great big “lie” in the middle of them? Even down to the word itself: beLIEf
Interesting food for fodder. lol
Thanks so much for an incredible post here. I am so glad to be seeing this kind of material coming from you!
Cheers,
Cat Alexandra
Hi Cat,
I am so glad to hear that you are into personal development. I’m sure you’re loving it! Since I started to get deep in it, back in 2006, I changed so much that I don’t even like that person back then.
You mentioned believe! Oh my, yes aren’t all those nasty negative beliefs all lies. I have seen lives totally wasted because of the beliefs of the beholder. That’s why I want to teach as many people as I can come across about all this good stuff.
We are really entering an era of awakening which is really good news and needed at the same time.
Thanks for coming by here and hope to see you again soon 🙂
Sylviane, aloha. What a wonderful surprise to see you included that story in this post. It’s a perfect and very sad example of self-sabotage.
Victor Kiam said:
“Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.”
Harsh words yet oh-so-true. Far too often people do not realize the damage they do when they procrastinate in making a decision or in taking action on the decision.
Jack Canfield’s thoughts are equally strong on this topic:
“Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.”
Sylviane, is people use your 3 shields they will be well on their way to slaying this dream destroyer.
Perhaps if more people thought of procrastination impacting their lives as Christopher Parker explains, more people would avoid procrastinating.
“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.”
Make a decision, take action. If it turns out to be the wrong decision, make a new one. Don’t procrastinate.
Thanks for explaining so well that procrastination is self sabotage.
Wishing you a terrific rest of the week. Aloha. Janet
Hi Janet,
Yes, indeed that story about the lady refusing that great opportunity is the one you told me about over a blog commment conversation. When I read that, I knew that I could use such example in a post, and I sure did.
I love how you compare procrastination to a credit card. What a great comparaison that tells a lot about how bad procrastination can be for our successful results or the lack of them.
Thanks for passing by, Janet and have a great day!
I myself sabotage myself when it comes to financial matters specifically the one you mentioned when it comes to savings. I would really want to improve on this so thanks for all your tips and advice. Will surely visit those links too.
Hi Albert,
A lot of the people who come to me for advice have this problem. They are hurting themselves when it comes to money. Most of the time the problem can be found in their subconscious beliefs that they carry around. Yes, you can check the tools that I mention for help.
Have a good one!