There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there. Albert Einstein
I remember last December, being on a conference call with a popular Life Coach who said, “December 2012 will come whether you’ve planed to achieve something in the meantime or not, so where will you be in December 2012”? In other words, she was saying, “does your situation in life will be better, the same or worse in a year from now”?
Sure enough December 2012 did come, didn’t it? This year flew by like a speeding bullet for me, and I wanted to share some thoughts with you about what I have accomplished this past few years, while I am sure that my story can help some of you who may be at a time in their life where they need that little push and encouragement to make a life time decision that will rock your world. Or even smaller decisions that you just have a hard time to make.
A Little Bit about my Personal Development Background
As you may or may not know (depending on how much you know me) I’ve started getting evolved with personal development really seriously 6 ½ years ago, even though I read my first personal development book back in the late 1980’s. It was a book by Catherine Ponder about the power of the mind, and since then I was hooked. This somehow led me to study and practice lucid dreaming for a while in the early to mid 1990’s until I was actually able to have some lucid dreams.
Then, unfortunately, I let life happen to me rather than creating the life that I wanted to live. This is how I’ve lost 10 years of personal development, actually going against my dreams, even having letting other people convince me that I wasn’t on the right track before.
What Happens when you Let others Telling you want to do?
That’s a good question, isn’t it? What happens to YOU when you let OTHERS telling you what you should be doing? Well, I can’t speak for everyone, but for me it developed in some type of depression over time. For years, while running away from my dreams and goals, “trying” to do what I was told “I was supposed to do”, I became darn right depressed while I didn’t really understand why at the time. However, whether I understood it or not, it was a fact. I was really depressed most of the time, crying a lot and just being freaking unhappy.
Reaching a Moment of True Maturity
In his book Think And Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill explains that the human brain reaches true maturity at age forty, maybe that’s why so many people have some clearness of mind when they reach around that age, which we call “a mid-life crisis”. Well, when I turned forty I had one of those moments, and that’s when I decided that I wasn’t going to put up with the unwanted anymore.
Truly, as soon as I reached that key moment and made the decision to think more about my own well being making my own decisions and mistakes, I really did feel. As Napoleon Hill describes in his book, my brain had reached a maturity that I’d never felt before. So I made some important decisions that changed my life quite a bit.
This wasn’t easy for me as I knew that I was going to disappoint a lot of people, and some were not going to understand me and even never spoke to me again. I know what you’re thinking… well, if they didn’t understand they weren’t your friends to start with. Well, that’s a bit more complicated than that, but I still had to go with my heart at this point.
What will you Learn about Yourself when you Make a Drastic Life Changing Decision?
I can promise you that if you are faced with a life changing decision that you are finally making, you will discover how strong you are. I’ve always been a very independent and strong personality type person, but I really discovered how strong I really was when I decided to make decisions that I knew weren’t going to be really “comfortable” at least at first. The first step is always the hardest. But once you’ve stepped on, once you’ve finally taken that vital challenging first step, you’ll feel free like never before.
Once I’d finally taken that first step, the first thing I felt is that the pressure went away. The pressure of trying to do the right thing according to some type of religious never reaching standards can be quite overwhelming, and leading to depression, as it did me. So, when that pressure went away, the depression miraculously disappeared as well.
I never felt depressed again since that day. I have been, sad and grieved over loved ones I’ve lost, as it’s a normal thing to go through, but not chronically depressed. There is a big difference here.
Learning about “Having the Power”
When you are told every day for a decade (or more) that you have no choice, no exciting options, but can only be a victim and a good for nothing that God just allows to breath, it weighs on you, and it’s pretty heavy too. It was for me anyway, and while I can’t speak for everyone, I certainly can speak for myself, and how it made ME feel as I explained above.
So, learning that we have a say in our life, that we can make our OWN choices, that we have the power to make a difference in the outcomes of our lives, was like being a kid in a candy store. I had almost forgotten that I was attracted by this type of things over a decade ago, but had just buried it.
I knew that getting deeply involved in personal development was going to do it for me. Not only was I going to learn everything and anything I could about it (never to stop this time), but I was going to teach it to others. That’s how this blog was born and my coaching idea started.
What you?
Have you taken your power back? It’s very easy to feel trapped in our “circumstances” when we believe that we are powerless. But we’re not. YOU are not. Take back your power and see how it feels. Discover how much you will be able to discover about yourself and accomplish things you never thought you would.
Please, share your comments and feedbacks about this. Have you taken your power back? Are you afraid to do so? Le’ts talk about it!
I always enjoy getting a glimpse into your life – although I’m sorry to hear about those tough times. I think we all go through those until we finally get clarity. It’s funny because the same thing your coach told you is something I say to people (and myself!) all the time. It’s going to be tomorrow, or next week, or next year or five years from now AT SOME POINT ANYWAY. So what do you want to do and be when you get there? I remember some time ago talking with someone who felt like he went to college for nothing, had no real direction and was thinking of starting over. But he was afraid because he said by the time he got done he would be 30. And I said… you’re going to be 30 anyway! So do you want to have a better direction and a better education or do you want to still be feeling like this?
I’m glad you found your clarity. I don’t know if I found mine yet but I feel like I get it in fits and bursts. I think it will be a lifelong process! I had one of those moment when I quit my teaching job to work in my business full time. That was huge and you can imagine a lot of people thought it was stupid and would never work. But it was something I had to do for ME.
You also said something else that I think is important which is that things are more complicated than we think. They are always more complicated. Sometimes people give advice to follow your dreams or make the decisions you want to make, but none of it happens in a vacuum. It is complicated and sometimes painful and usually difficult. It’s not as easy as just “doing it”.
Thanks for sharing this part of your life and for the lessons you have for everyone!
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Hi Carol,
I think that giving glimpses of my life here and there could help someone who needs it.
You’re right, when we make big decisions there always those naysayers that are going to try to make it fail for us, but the worst of all is when the naysayer is yourself, and I’ve seen this too many times in my own close family. Fortunately, I’ve never been this way, I’ve always been a dreamer believing in something better for me.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us here. How well you did by quitting your job to start your own business.
Hi Sylviane. I truly admire where you are in life. It seems you’ve come from ‘somewhere’ and you express your journey through your articles, in particular, your insight on becoming who you are. Thank you for sharing with us and this helps and certainly makes me put on my thinking cap about who I want to be and how to grow to get there. Great blog. Thanks,
Barbara
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Hi Barbara and thanks for coming here,
It’s funny how when I started blogging it was absolutely nothing personal or about me, but I’m finding myself more and more compelled to tell my story as time goes one. A life has got many different facets, so I find myself telling my stories on all my 3 blogs because it fit each one of them depending on the topic.
I love your personality, Barbara, because you come out very strong. I love strong personalities 🙂
Hi Sylviane,
I must say the work you are doing is really great.I like the way you shared your expriences which i also to my blog it really helps the readers to connect.
I am happy to share my views on the topic,so now sorry for the frustating days you handled ,but as what i think is its always to have problems in life becuase it makes you more strong,helps you in learning and make you mature.Think for a moment what made you take a decision to do something in life and get out of that unwanted bad phase of life,the answer is those “frustating days ” they made you more strong to take your life to a wright direction.Here i want to use which i use to make my friend motivated, “Always welcome problem and tough phases in life ,It will surely give you back something”.
Second this you mentioned “mid life crises” i really dont believe in that at certain age of 40 man/women get maturity maturity comes from resposiblity and burdens on the soulders.Talk to any child who lost parents and that child earns for himself/herself to live life, see how mature they are its because of responsibility and burdens on shoulder. This makes a person mature.
I love making people inspired and sharing what i leaned from life so that it can help others so for those who read this comment for them i want to give a advice that when ever you feel frustrated or you think you cant do anything in live ,that time just remember those thing which made you proud ,every body in life achieve small or big ,remember your some of those achievments of yours. You will get what you have in you and you can do alot than just by being frustrated.
Thank You Sylviane ,its my pleasure to share my views.
Shorya Bist
From Youthofest
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Hi Shorya,
Nice to meet you here and thanks for your great comment.
It’s nice to try to inspire people by what we write isn’t it?
What I was saying about what people call “life crisis” has nothing to do with not being mature before age 40. Thankfully we sure can reach maturity before that age. Also, as I said it “what people call” life crisis, but what it really is, it’s a state of mind (a clarity) that has reached it’s peak, which happens when your reach around age 40. Yes, it does exist, but you wouldn’t be able to feel it until you get there. You’ll see what I mean where you reach it
I’m glad that you are reaching out to inspire people with your writing and will come visit you
Yes exactly,it is a state of mind and may be i am not in that age to understand that.But i am really happy and inspired as well to see a person who came out of a very bad phase and today standing as a confident women,who believe in herself.
Thank you for the words and i hope to see you again on my blog and share your words.
Shorya Bist
From Youthofest
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Ah, the lessons we’ve learned right Sylviane!
I’m so glad you’ve reached the other side and you’re on the right path now. I also admire that you’re teaching others how to do this as well because it’s never fun being on the other side.
I just thought I was a pretty good person before I jumped into personal development but boy have my eyes really opened up to all the possibilities that were right there that I never knew were within my reach. It’s a journey I hope everyone will take in their life and it will definitely make them a much stronger person because of it.
Thank you for sharing this personal story with us about your journey so far. I can’t wait to hear all the other great things that continue to happen with you as the years go by.
Have a beautiful day Sylviane.
~Adrienne
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Hi Adrienne,
Yes, that’s the right word, our life is really a journey and we are not supposed to end the same way we started. We learn and we change. We are not the same person when we’re 40 than when we’re 20, and we shouldn’t. We grow all the time.
I’m so glad that you’ve come through some tremendous growth as well, Adrienne!
Hello Sylviane,
Respect for sharing a glimpse of your course of life.
Good to read that you took your life in your own hands and that things a working out.
I am also walking a similar path. For me the resistance you experienced when you decide to follow your heart and trust your intuition and follow through the appropiate action was an odd sensation to deal with. It was so odd that it became fear of not knowing what’s next. An other issue is indeed the enviromentresponse when you start to take controle of your life and people are startled by the change. It is still remarkable when it occurred !
Your writing is so recognizable for people that is inspiring for them to take action.
I like to share with you a comment of two older people i got in a conversation about work:
They said, everybody is good in one thing…a talent…..it is the trick to find that one thing and follow that trough,..inspite of what people tell you what you should or must do. Because in the end…You will allways end up where you need to be. Where you fits best. So you now know…be the best you can be and just enjoy the ride.
Kind regards,
Jos
Hi Sylviane
Oh yes this year has gone so fast. Being with my parents this last week who as you know are not doing very well and in the 80’s was very leveling for me. I kept reflecting on how quick the years have passed. My dad is going into care opposite where I went to University. It seems like just a few years ago I was there but of course it is much longer.
There is only one way to live life where we can be happy and that is consciously. Even though I have been around personal development since my 20’s I have had times when I was not creating my life. Amazing we can slip back into being a victim when we know better.
Thanks for sharing your journey. I am sure other people will gain from reading your story.
Sue
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Hi Sue, and glad to have you back.
I know that you’ve been very busy while going through lots of worries with you parents. Gosh, do I know what you mean about time going by like crazy. Some times I think about people whose parents were the age that they are now when I met them, and it just scrares the heck out of me… it just does! That’s why I understand you so well.
I also know that we do slip back into being controled instead of BEING in control even when we know better. I’ve done that many times myself.
I’m glad that you are vey familiar with the personal development world, and are aware of all that!
Well, I think I’m very lucky. Because it was exactly a year ago, December 2011 when I went through a major depression. It wreaked my mental state badly and there are still some scars left. I recovered well after initial hiccups but I’m healed now.
What I learned when I was facing it was many things about life (it’s actually on my blog) – how to embrace change, why not to listen to what ‘people’ say about you, how to look for the silver lining in every case and it taught me how to live my passions as well.
I say I’m lucky because a dramatic change in life has happened to me at a very young age, 19. I’m also lucky because change was brought upon me, I just had to learn to embrace it (though very difficult initially) rather than me looking for it.
I’m glad you did the right thing at the end and you’re happy 🙂 Though this is my first comment, I did not feel new on this blog because we’re on the same page with the way we live our lives.
Superb post, loved it!
Aditya
Aditya invites you to read..Learning to Channel Frustration into Passions
Hi Aditya,
Well, welcome to this blog and I am so glad that you didn’t feel like a stranger here.
It’s fantastic that you were able to make some dramatic changes in your life and that things are looking up for you. It’s also a good thing to be able to put all these on your blog.
I will go check this out very soon.
Thanks for coming, Aditya 🙂
Hi Sylviane
Others can definitely beat you down mentally, even at times when you don’t realize they are doing it. All my life I was suppressed and so thought I had no choices. I had dreams but lost them along the way. I always wondered what live would have been like if I had said “no” a few more times, maybe better or maybe worse. But since I can’t go back I need to live with what I have and where I am at now.
Dreams have been changed at times and goals are constantly changing, but I am on a course of determination. I don’t know how, but things will improve and I will keep at it with a totally new mindset. Out with the negative and in with the positive. Been writing down what I am grateful for since the end of August and it has made a huge difference. Also, when things get crazy I bring out these two phrases: “Let it go!” and “In the moment!” Puts everything in perspective of what actually is and the stress subsides.
Liked your post and too bad you had to go through so much, but I guess that is what makes us who we really are.
Mary
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Hi Mary,
You’re right, we can’t go back and change things that are already in the past. Like you there are very important events of my life that I’m thinking about… what would have happened if I’d made a different decision? But we can never get answers to such questions.
What we can do, however, is start on a band new mind set with more knowledge and experience and the assurance that WE CAN.
I’m so glad that you’re started with a new mind set that I’m sure will always put you on the right track.
Indeed, life is a journey that needs decisive decisions as you go along. My moment of really taking that decision came when I was thirty something. Before then, I was kind of interested in the human mind but really did not know much about its workings. Then I started reading self development books and all of a sudden the light came on and I could see more clearly a whole lot of things.
At this point I had to sit down and after some deep thinking, decide on what I really want to become in life and what I have to offer to humanity. Today, I’m glad that I did that for no matter what happens, I know I’m moving towards that goal.
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
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Hi Chadrack,
I am so glad that you had the Ah-ah moment in your thirties and started seeing things that you weren’t able to see before. That’s what personal development does to people, doesn’t it? It opens the door for higher thinking, and once it does it only gets better with time.
Thank you so much for coming by and for your valuable input.
We cannot control what happens to us but we can manage our attitude towards it and that’s when we say we are mature enough to deal with a situation. And that’s what builds our decision-making ability too. Great share.
Wonderfully written Sylviane!
Sorry for stopping by late – just been caught up, though am glad am here now. 🙂
Oh yes…how the year has just passed by is amazing, and it seemed just like yesterday when I too had written down my own wish list and resolutions that I planned to carry out for 2012! I guess that’s why it’s said that time stops for no one and the best time is the NOW – the present, and those who make the most of it are the lucky ones – isn’t it?
Thanks so much for sharing your life’s journey with all of us, and it surely is always nice to learn more about you and your experiences. I guess you have come a long way from where you were earlier, and that IS commendable indeed.
Thanks for sharing, and hope the coming year also brings you more happiness and contentment in life. 🙂 Happy Holidays to you and yours.
BTW – I enjoyed Adrienne’s testimony video on the right – she said it all 🙂
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Hi Harleena,
Nice to see you back 🙂
Yes, the best time is NOW. Yesterday is no longer here and tomorrow is not here yet. The only time we live is NOW, so either we take advantage of it or we don’t. My best guess is that we should, shouldn’t we?