No one gets married with the intention to divorce someday.
Ending a marriage is never easy and at times can be quite messy and emotionally draining. Even divorcing someone we no longer love or even hate can be devastating still. That’s why divorce should never be taken lightly.
A divorce will not only drain you emotionally but physically and financially as well. There’s the process of going through documents to legally settle ever concern such as division of property and child custody.
Most of the time you’ll need to hire a lawyer to understand every document or prepare a quitclaim deed if you have to change marital property or transfer ownership to children upon agreement that is needed for a safer and more peaceful process.
As a relationship transformation coach for women, I deal with a lot of women asking me if they should divorce or if they should work on their marriage and give their relationship a chance.
I am not pro-divorce or pro-staying. There isn’t a right or wrong. The decision should always be based on a case to case situation.
However, there are times when getting divorced is better than staying.
Why?
Because staying is affecting you in such a way that ending the marriage could be the best thing that has happened to you in a long time. Yes, there are times when divorce is simply a blessing.
If you’re finding yourself in one or more of the following situations, divorce might be your best escape even if you fear everything that goes along with it. There are times when the sacrifices that come with divorce are worth the rewards that you may not be able to see right now.
1. Your Children are Affected
Probably the most common reason why couples stay together it’s because of the children. But is having kids always worth saving a marriage that’s falling apart?
If you are fighting and yelling at each other on a regular basis while your children are present or in earshot, this is going to be very destructive to them.
And remember that children are not stupid. if they feel that you’re staying together for them they may feel guilty for your misery and this could actually be much more damaging to them than a divorce.
It’s not uncommon to hear stories where the child has told his parents “I wish you’d just get divorced” when they know that things are not doing well between their parents and that they are the reason why they’re still together.
2. You are Being Mistreated
In most abusive relationships, violence doesn’t happen overnight, it tends to escalate as time goes on.
If you have any doubt that your life could be in danger someday it means that it already is. If the thought has ever crossed your mind, it means that you are most certainly in danger.
Being emotionally or physically mistreated or both is absolutely not worth saving your marriage. The only situation where it would be worth a try is if the abusing husband recognized that he had a problem and agreed to get professional help. But if this is not the case, divorcing such a man is always better than staying together.
3. Your Children are Being Mistreated
This type of situation occurs more often when it’s a second marriage to which you brought your children in. In some cases, the husband becomes violent to his wife’s children and uses them to blackmail her as a form of control.
There is absolutely no good reason to stay in such a marriage. If your husband is mistreating your children, you need to consider divorce as a matter of emergency.
4. You are Being Cheated on
Unless it’s a lifestyle choice agreement in your marriage if your spouse is cheating on you what does it mean to you?
It means that you are no longer the only person in his life. It means that you are going to feel left out, angry, depressed, disgusted, etc. It also means that your chances of contracting sexually transmitted diseases are much greater now.
If sharing your spouse with other women is not something you’d agreed with, divorcing a situation that belittles you consciously as well as unconsciously is always best.
5. You are Miserable when you are with him
If you’ve noticed that you are happier when you’re alone at home than with your husband and that even thinking that it’s about time for him to get home makes you upset in any way, it’s probably best for you to divorce such person than to persist in staying for whatever reason.
I had a client in this exact situation and her reason for staying was that she felt bad for him and made it her duty to make HIM happy while she was miserable.
Unless you believe that your life’s purpose is to preserve someone’s happiness at the cost of your own, it would be better for you to leave the marriage.
6. You Can’t Be Yourself
If your husband is preventing you from being yourself in no uncertain ways such as, maybe you shouldn’t cry when you want to cry, or you’re speaking too loud, or you don’t dress and groom correctly, or you need to agree with him even when you don’t, or yet again you can’t express yourself as you wish for fear of repercussions, etc.
If this type of situation sounds familiar to you, you are in an emotional prison that eventually will have a tremendous negative effect on you emotionally, psychologically and physically.
If you are married to a narcissist that prevents you from being yourself, the option of divorcing him should be a no-brainer. Even if you were in a position where divorce would be difficult for financial reasons you should try your best to work on your way out as soon as possible.
7. You are Not Married to the Same Person you Married
While the honeymoon can never last forever and that every single married couple has to learn to compromise and maintain a healthy relationship long after the honeymoon is over, if you or the person you married with have changed so much that you can’t recognize each other anymore, do you really want to stay married for the sake of staying married?
Only you can answer this question for yourself, but if there is no longer any common ground and that no one is going to suffer because of such divorce, maybe it’s better to part and live the life that you really want to live.
Conclusion
No one should get married with the option of divorce in mind. Marriage is a serious thing that shouldn’t be taken lightly for your own sake.
But while a divorce is never something we hope for, it is a means to break an agreement that is now affecting our lives in a negative way. It is the solution for making a bad situation better.
If you need counsel about your marriage or divorce, you can request an “understanding of your marriage” consultation offer today, while it last.